i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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