so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
