Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
