You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
