Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
