I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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