That's intense
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
