Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
