i just wanna soil my oats bro
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
