A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
