Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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