No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i've created a new STD.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
