is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
