It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
