Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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