Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
