last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
