Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We left the knife in your bed.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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