i love accidental penises.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
