wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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