I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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