The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
