he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
