I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
