Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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