you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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