rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love having hate sex.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
