I can text with my tongue
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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