Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
