before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
