I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
