Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
