I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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