Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
