u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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