ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
