How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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