When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
