Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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