ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yo dont text me then not text me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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