The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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