you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
