i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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