I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
