considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
