what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
