You really coming over, don't trick.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
our cab driver is having phone sex.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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