i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
