so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
