The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
