i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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