Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
