Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
